“Six Year Old” Adapted from Chasing the Sage, by Bud Lamb
The BIG IDEA
I was in denial about how it was for me growing up. I minimized the physical and emotional abuse, became numb to the shame and the conditional love. The following poem, written in my early 40’s, was written during a dark season where I was getting my history straight.
In Jesus’ own words – “…you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” John 8:32
Getting the truth about our history will set us free. Here are tools I found which facilitate the process:
An open heart
A trusted friend or counselor
Celebrate Recovery
Lots of prayers
A trusty journal to record what you learn
“Six Year Old” came out of a series of journal notes where I reflected on what it was like for me growing up with an emotionally distant, preoccupied 27-year-old father of four.
Here now is the poem, “Six Year Old”…
Listen! I’m afraid!!!!! You’re bigger than me, and you drive a car, and you have hair down there.
All I get from you is, “Oh?” and nod your head when I call for help. You don’t stop the important stuff you’re doing. You don’t stoop down to three feet high, pick me up and hold me heartbeat close.
I don’t want you to only know THAT I’m afraid. I want to tell you WHAT I’m afraid of, how giant the monster is, the slimy green color of its skin, the wet smoke and long tail and drippy claws.
But I really don’t want to tell you anything ‘cause you’re big and supposed to know everything, you’re supposed to see it coming before it gets me. You’re supposed to kill all the monsters on the block so I will be safe.
I’ll kick and scream till you listen!
And the more you act like I’m not here, the more I’ll do bad things. Then I’ll go — and hide. From the monster — and you. If you look for me all you will find are my empty pj’s.
And from high in the cherry tree, I will whisper, I won’t come down till you say you’re sorry and cross your heart promise that next time a monster comes, and I yell for you, that you’ll come, and listen, and hold me.
Getting your history straight is very important — not so we can shift the blame for our hard life to our parents, but so we can face the truth, deal with the hurt, and move on to breaking the generational cycle of creating orphans instead of sons and daughters.
The truth will set us free!
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