So, what is it? Conflict, according to the dictionary, is a “serious disagreement or argument, typically a protracted one.”
Toilet seat up or down? Not a conflict.
Thai or Chinese takeout? Not a conflict – well maybe.
Those 5 dangerous words?
Maybe it will go away.
Bills not being paid on time? Broken promises – again? Lies? Powering up? How to parent the kids?! Probably a conflict.
Maybe it will go away.
Probably not.
Conflict is normal, inevitable, and should be expected.
Conflict isn’t something to avoid but to deal with it in a healthy way.
Conflict is about me. Resolution is about us.
Conflict is “I’m right. You’re wrong.”
Conflict is fueled by opinion or preference not fact or truth.
Most of us avoid it and like a car that never gets its oil changed, transmission checked, or tires replaced – sooner or later you’re in trouble. So how can we do this and stop avoiding?
Conflict Resolution
Start with yourself Come to the table without your guns. Resolution isn’t about winning. Take a look at the log in your own eye rather than the speck in the other. You are responsible for your side of the street. Come to the table as an adult not a kid.
Overlook minor offenses “If it’s a cold it will cure itself, it if’s cancer you have to cut” says Jeff Bigelow. If it’s a cold then give it up, extend grace, and move on.
Address the issue Humility is contagious. Be clear about the issue. Admit your part in it. Follow these steps.
- Set a time and place to discuss the problem
- Define it; be specific
- List ways each contribute
- List past attempts at resolution
- Brainstorm possible solutions
- Discuss and evaluate each
- Agree on one solution to try
- Agree on how you will each work
- Set up another time to discuss progress
- Reward each other for progress
What conversation do you need to have?
What is your part in it?
When will you begin?