You don’t have to think stinking thoughts.
You can not stop birds from flying over your head but you can keep them from building a nest in your hair. Martin Luther
Recognition is first step.
10 ways you can stop stinking thinking about your wife.
1. All-or-nothing You drop into black and white thinking. There is no dimmer switch. It’s either on or off.
2. Overgeneralization Single events become always or never. You don’t give her the benefit of the doubt.
3. Fixation You pick out a single negative detail and dwell on it exclusively. It becomes a self fulfilling prophesy. Example: She makes a positive comment about you washing the dishes or making Pizza Nite with the kids happen but when she says one thing mildly critical you obsess about it and ignore all other positive feedback.
4. Discounting You reject the good experiences by thinking they don’t count. You think she is just being nice and doesn’t really mean it. This takes a lot of joy our of your relationship. She doesn’t feel heard.
5. Jumping to conclusions You interpret things negatively when there are no facts to support your conclusion.
6. Magnification You think your problems are larger than hers, or you discount her, or her problems don’t matter.
7. Emotional Assessment She uses 100 words to ask a 10 word question or she responds to something with what seems like emotions running wild and you think this means not the right wife for you. Yep. Stinking thinking.
8. Should thinking You bracket thoughts and use should as a way that creates distance, makes you right and her wrong, and sets yourself up as the center of the universe. Let go of your belief that you see the world as it is and she sees it as it isn’t.
9. Labeling This is an extreme form of all-or-nothing thinking. Instead of thinking My wife sees things different than I do, you label her as the enemy. Very dangerous territory.
10. Blame Blame stinks the most. When you blame you overlook any possibility that you might be part of the problem. The best way to avoid blame is to look at the log in your own eye before the speck in hers.
Your marriage will improve.
As you work on you your marriage will improve. Try it for one week.